On Saturday 9 November The Canny Belters and Whippin’ Hinnies take on one of their toughest challenges yet: Leeds Roller Dolls Rebel Roses (A Team) and Whip-its (B Team).
It’s an extra special bout theme too; at Skate Like an Egyptian we’ll be raising money to help the CaiRollers – Egypt’s first roller derby team.
Advance tickets £6 online soon, £7.50 on the door.
Skate Like an Egyptian 9 November 2013
11:45 – Doors open
12.15 – NRG Whippin’ Hinnies vs Leeds Roller Dolls Whip-Its
14.30 – NRG Canny Belters vs Leeds Roller Dolls Rebel Roses
16:30 – after party time!
All times are approximate and subject to changes.
As usual you can catch the match awards and come party with the girls and boys of Newcastle Roller Girls and Tyne and Fear at the after party straight after! Venue TBC.
The games will be at our usual home venue:
Walker Activity Dome
Newcastle upon Tyne
More about the CaiRollers
CaiRollers is Egypt’s first roller derby team, established in September 2012. Made up of local and ex-pat women, their aim is to grow the team and empower women without drawing negative attention or attracting discrimination. In June 2013 the team held their first intra-league bout and are now looking for teams to play.
In a country where it can be rare to see a woman driving or showing her shoulders, and a pair of skates costs several times the average monthly wage, the CaiRollers have overcome more than their fair share of challenges with the help and support of other roller derby teams across the globe.
And that’s where Newcastle Roller Girls come in!
At Skate Like an Egyptian on Saturday 9 November we’ll be raising money to help the CaiRollers achieve their goals, so come along, splash out on a raffle ticket and help us support our derby sisters in Egypt.
Catch the Cairollers on Facebook, or visit their website.
ADVANCE TICKETS HAVE SOLD OUT! Get yours on the door!
With one week past since our first bout of 2013, it’s time to re-live the action and check out the stats with Head NSO Badger’s post-bout breakdown.
Newcastle Roller Girls Whippin’ Hinnies vs Fierce Valley Parma Violents
We were super excited to present our first open home bout of the year, back at our home the Walker Dome. Panda Monium wielded the mic, keeping the crowd in high spirits and encouraging them to show their love for all the teams. Meanwhile, our resident photographer and Tyne and Fear member Zero G provided some awesome shots of the ladies on track.
During the start of the bout the Hinnies score stayed just ahead of the Parma Violents and began to pull ahead as we neared half time. The Violents earned a 24 point power jam in the final jam of the half closing the gap to 101 – 85. Led by team Captain La Dolce Beater, the Hinnies continued to clock up the points, helped along with a 30 point jam by Moulin Bruise (the highest points awarded in a single jam!) bringing a final score of Whippin’ Hinnies 225 – 154 Parma Violents.
The highest average points per jam was 12.38 achieved by Moulin Bruise for the Hinnies, and 8.40 by Maxx Attaxx for the visitors. There were a total of 46 penalties between the two teams with Hinnies picking up 26 majors and Parma Violents 20 majors. The most common penalties picked up by the Hinnies were low blocks, and for the Parma Violents, multi-player blocks. Sin Bin Saints were Theasaurus Wrecks, Dizzy Bizzy and Cookie Monstrous for the Hinnies, and Jo Anarchy, Wiggy Stardust and Lila DeThrash for the Parma Violents, with no visits to the sin bin.
Best Jammer – Penny Bizzare
Best Blocker – Blackjack Belle
MVP – Torville and Scream
Newcastle Roller Girls Canny Belters vs Hellfire Harlots
Our headlinine bout of the day saw the return bout between the Canny Belters and Hellfire Harlots. The teams last met in February 2012, when the Harlots took home the victory with a final score of 160 – 100. The predicted score for today was Canny Belters 100 – 390 Hellfire Harlots.
After a positive start to the bout with a powerjam and Kalamity James earning the team 15 points, things started to slip away from the Belters. The first half saw us give away 5 power jams to the Harlots due to penalties, accounting for a whopping 110 points against us. The final score at the end of the first half was Canny Belters 18 – 162 Hellfire Harlots.
In the first jam of the second half we got our second powerjam of the day which saw Guinefear scoring 20 points – more than doubling the Belters’ score! And here began the start of the Belters’ turnaround, and an epic effort to claw back those points. We achieved lead jammer for 38% of jams in the second half, compared to only 18% in the first half, thanks largely to blammer Kalamity James who went on to be awarded Best Jammer.
Other awards went to Missy Pow Pow for Best Blocker, and Sniper Viper, who made her return to the Belters today after some time away for injury, picked up MVP! The second half saw a score of Belters 72 – 90 Harlots, bringing the final score to Canny Belters 90 – 252 Hellfire Harlots. Although the Belters weren’t able to hit the 100 points they were predicted to score, they were able to keep Hellfire to well below what the rankings had suggested. This means that the Canny Belters will move up 7 places in the rankings to #40, and Hellfire Harlots will remain at #17.
The highest points awarded in a single jam was 25 earned by both Terroryaki Smak and Harlots Team Captain El Viscious during the first half. The highest average points per jam was 9.09 achieved by El Viscious, and for the Belters 3.08 by Guinefear. The Penalties were rather unbalanced, with the Belters picking up 24 majors and Harlots 16 majors. The most common penalty picked up by both teams was cutting track. Sin Bin Saints were Brie Larceny, Sniper Viper and Anita B Nasty for the Belters, and Coco De Maul, Finn Furious, El Kapone, El Visious, Dr C Nister, May K Fist, Falcon Rouge and Kill’er Instinct for the Harlots, with no trips to the penalty box.
Best Jammer – Kalamity James / Joannasaurus
Best Blocker – Missy Pow Pow
MVP – Sniper Viper / Bunnie Suicide
AHOY THERE ME MATIES! Newcastle Roller Girls proudly invite you to the most exciting event of the year!
The 22nd September will see the mighty Newcastle Roller Girls take on the brave buccaneers Middlesbrough Milk Rollers, with two friendly local teams this will surely prove to be the event of the year! Forget football’s Newcastle V Sunderland, this bout will have the north split in two!
Tickets can be bought in advance (with a little cheeky discount) through PayPal using the link below or at the door on the day, doors open at 12:30, make sure you get there early for those sought after suicide seats!
Venue: The Walker Activity Dome (formerly The Lightfoot Centre), Wharrier Street, Newcastle Upon Tyne, NE6 3BR
Online ticket sales have now closed. Tickets only available on the door.
(Under 12s have the honour of free entry, however under 16s must be accompanied by an adult).
Summer Shovin’ – Saturday 18th August 2012 – Greenbanks Leisure Centre, Liverpool
Summer Shovin’ – Saturday 18th August 2012 – Greenbanks Leisure Centre, Liverpool
Saturday 14th July 2012 – Walker Activity Dome
Saturday 14th July 2012 – Walker Activity Dome
In two nail biter games at the weekend, the Canny Belters conceded the win to Manchester Roller Derby 156-172 but the Whippin’ Hinnies took the win over Kent Roller Girls 85-73.
Read the official bout reports from Stephen Kennedy:
Whippin’ Hinnies vs Kent Roller Girls & Canny Belters vs Manchester Roller Derby Checker Broads
Read an alternative report from Katy Parles:
Part 1 & Part 2
My first bout as a Whippin Hinny was in sunny Grimsby, Lincolnshire (no really!), where we faced off against The Imposter Roller Girls. I’m no stranger to the Imposters, having seen them lose to Middlesbrough Milk Rollers when I played their opening bout, but still felt ridiculously intimidated when I rolled up to Grimsby Leisure Centre. The Imposters were welcoming, though, and didn’t mind us leaving our belongings strewn across their changing room floor.
Why not paper your bedroom with our lovely poster?
Saturday 14th July 2012
“The most important thing in the Rollympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have skated well”
Newcastle Roller Girls proudly present – Nevermind the Back Blocks
SATURDAY 5th MAY 2012 – Newcastle Roller Girls vs. Lincolnshire Bombers A+B
This is the Sound of the Suburbs! This is the spirit of ’77. Anarchy in the UKRDA! Whether you’re a Siouxsie Sioux or a Sid Vicious this is the place to be strutting your finest safety pins and mohawks.
Our girls will swap their Bovver Boots for Quads and will be Kicking out the Jams. The referees will be checking the girls for Brass in Pocket, and one way or another, we’ll give you a lust for life.
Saturday 21st April 2012 – Full Bout Report – Newcastle Roller Girls Whippin’ Hinnies vs Hulls Angels Roller Derby
The first of an April double-header day of action at the Walker Activity Dome, home of Newcastle roller derby, saw the home side’s Whippin’ Hinnies take on the Hulls Angels Roller Dames. Following an impressive performance in their last bout, the Hinnies were looking to build a sturdy foundation for their still relatively mixed experience group. Nothing could be further from the truth for the visitors, however, as this would be the first competitive bout Hulls Angels have played, this would be a true test of teamwork for the newly-formed outfit.
The first period got off to a steady start by the visitors, with Hull jammers MIA and Iron Giant racking up 17 points between them, as Hinnie Guinefear of Jamelot snatched 5 back. It could have been an even better start for Iron Giant, who was only limited to 10 points due to a fantastic block by Méli McSly, sending her to the back of the pack. The third jam came and introduced Hulls Eva Mean and NRG’s Anita B. Nasty, who took 7 points each, whilst the fourth saw some efficient wall-work from the visitors, tangling Tequila JacKILLina in the pack, and allowing Peggy Pistols to add up an extra 5 to their score, bringing the total to 12-29.
Cue a piece of dramatic brilliance from the home team. Guinefear returned to the track in the sixth jam to battle through an extremely congested pack, at which time Iron Giant was sent off. NRG set about outside lining, and Guinefear duly responded by easing her way round for a massive 22 point jam. The bout now meant business. Big points were hard to come by for the next few minutes, but by the eighth jam, Peggy Pistols had tipped the score in Hulls favour at 38-40, and would have made it more, had it not been for the organisation of a two-strong wall of vice-captain La Dolce Beater and McSly, which would become something of a theme for the bout. The visitors totted up a further four points in the next two jams, but a great burst through the pack by Dollface Dynamo, who shrugged off the attempts of Hulls Siege Ya Later, to pull the score close again at 42-44 by the tenth jam.
But of course, once more, things don’t go by uninterestingly for the Newcastle Roller Girls, and the eleventh jam certainly proved that. Jammer Anita B. Nasty looked to have been forced to the back of the pack, and her opposite Iron Giant was inches from taking lead jammer until a fantastic block from McSly sent her sprawling, and allowed Anita to surge through. Both jammers made several successful passes until La Dolce Beater stepping in to once more halt Iron Giant, simultaneously making a path for Anita to fly through for a very good lap; an amazing jam, bringing the score to 63-54.
Things didn’t slow down there either, as the twelfth, and final jam of the first period offered a showdown between Guinefear and Peggy Pistols. Again both jammers picked up points, before Peggy was sent to the bin, making life easier for Guinefear, who took advantage of the power jam, particularly as Hulls Fleur Rocious was also sent off, grabbing a further 13 points for the home team.
- Half time score: Hinnies 76-56 Roller Dames
The second period started much in the same way as the first, with Hulls Angels taking the ascendancy. A ten point jam by Iron Giant was swiftly followed by a further four from Peggy Pistols, who had a particularly brilliant break through the pack at the start of the second jam. However, for all their pushing, Hull were not quite able to draw level with the Hinnies, though getting as close as 77-72, where MIA was unlucky to have cut track and hand the lead status to Dollface Dynamo.
A five point gap was evidently not what the homeside had wanted, as the fifth jam gave us a display of sheer graft and determination. Indijo fought her way through the first starting pack of the entire game, taking lead just before Peggy Pistols was sent to the bin. The NRG outside line worked very well once more, allowing Indijo to add 15 points to their total before she too was sent off for a backblock on Siege Ya Later. But the action still was not over yet, as the very next jam saw Eva Mean burst through the pack, grab a few points but then get sent off for a back block on La Dolce Beater. Almost immediately, Indijo was allowed back onto the track, blazed through an unsettled Hull wall and add an extra 18 points to the cause; 110-81.
The next five jams were a much tighter affair, with neither team adding more than 13 to their total, thanks particularly to the work of pivots Tequila and Dr. Blockson. But tension started to creep into the bout at the thirteenth jam, as Dollface Dynamo was immediately sent to the floor, letting Iron Giant take the lead and making a good first pass. However, another great block from McSly meant she was prevented causing further damage, and even gave Dollface the chance to grab a few more points to boost the total to 130-105.
The final two jams were the result of tremendous hard work from the Newcastle blockers, particularly Tequila, A-Kay, McSly and La Dolce Beater, all of whom surrounded and slowed both Eva Mean and MIA down to near ineffectual levels. Only 11 more points went to the visitors, while Guinefear and Carm Like A Bomb ensured a tough-fought victory with 4 points each.
- Full time score: Newcastle Roller Girls Whippin’ Hinnies 138-116 Hulls Angels Roller Dames
The Whippin’ Hinnies:
Best Blocker: La Dolce Beater
Best Jammer: Dollface Dynamo
Most Valuable Player: A-Kay
Best Blocker: Boomtown Brat
Best Jammer: Peggy Pistols
Most Valuable Player: MIA
- Report by Stephen Kennedy
Daylight Slayings – Sat 24th March – Full Bout Report – Canny Belters vs. Glasgow Roller Derby Maiden Grrders
Miss Wired escapes the pack - www.boutday.com
The second bout of the afternoon of Daylight Slayings
brought us a tantalising prospect as the Canny Belters
took on the Maiden Grrders of Glasgow
. The girls of Glasgow boast an impressive line-up which includes the well-known names of Sarah McMillan, The Very Hungry Splatterkiller and Rogue Runner, the Belters knew that this was going to be one of their biggest challenges so far, and we certainly weren’t left wanting for entertainment.
The first period of the bout saw the Belters come flying out the traps, as Miss Wired burst through a tough, slow-moving pack, going on to rack up 20 points from the off. However, the tone of the majority of the bout was set in very next jam, with Überschnell and Rogue Runner sharing a small amount of points, thanks to an extremely competitive pack. The first real threat of the impressive Sarah McMillan began in the sixth jam, where, despite again having to cope with a congested pack, she eventually managed to break into the lead and snatch five more points for Glasgow, making the score 29-12.
NRG hold the back line, the tactic which dominated the game for both sides
Things started to get a bit tasty by the eighth jam, with NRG realising the threat posed by McMillan, captain Brie Larceny stepped up to deliver an eight point jam. The lead up to her total saw Glasgow’s Moxie Blitz sent to the bin in the initial pack scramble, and a vital – not to mention huge – hit from Kalamity James on the Maiden’s jammer. NRG’s tactics proved solid as Glasgow introduced The Very Hungry Splatter Killer to the game, the Belters played a rare, very fast pack, causing a no-scoring jam, keeping the points at 40-12. Glasgow’s Fighting Torque was the next victim of NRG’s tactical awareness, when blocker Gin + Sonic checked the jammer to the very back of the pack, allowing Marie Bayonet to pick an extra four points for the home side.
Von Sleaze jamming for NRG
A more physical element came into the match by the fifteenth jam, where, with the score at 56-16, NRG were determined to stamp their authority, where Glasgow were trying to push themselves back into the contest. It was also the first significant battle of many between the respective number sevens: Von Sleaze and McMillan. It was the latter who took advantage on this occasion, making the most of a powerjam, as well as Gin, Lone Danger and Kalamity being sent to the bin at different times, pulling the score back to 62-25.
One of the major talking points of the entire bout came to the fore in jam twenty, where confusion between lead jammers caused disruption for the Belters. The jam got off to a fiery start, with Missy Pow Pow seriously slowing Fighting Torque down, Miss Wired took lead jammer, racked up thirteen points, attempted to call the jam off, removing her helmet pantie, but all four whistles did not sound, therefore losing lead jammer status. Unfortunately for NRG, the confusion caused by the misunderstanding also allowed Torque to gain eleven points, and seriously put the pressure on the Belters.
Brie, Gin and Liz hold back Glasgow's jammer - www.boutday.com
Glasgow sought to take advantage, with Rogue Runner storming her way to a twenty point power jam. However, NRG did well in limiting her damage, as Brie, Gin and Bucks Liz defied the Glasgow outline to keep the jammer down to three passes, though the score ran up to 79-72. Yet again though, NRG bounced back, with the final jam of the period, Überschnell took advantage of McMillan being sent to the bin, circling the pack for her first two passes, before taking the outside with ease on her third, eventually bumping the score up to a healthy number for the home side once more.
- Half time score: Canny Belters 104 – 75 Maiden Grrders.
- Big Smack holds back Glasgow’s jammer
As the second half began, NRG were weary of Glasgow’s record of making comebacks in bouts like these, and did well to hold off their opponents for the first two jams, grabbing five more points of their own. But with the re-introduction of Fighting Torque, came a resurgence from Glasgow, as despite being wiped out in a four-player pile-up at the start of the third jam, the jammer recovered magnificently to claim twenty points, ultimately being forced to call off the jam by the persistence of Kalamity; 111-95. The next eleven jams all saw NRG build a slow, steady lead on Glasgow, with Big Smack and Fries consistently preventing extra Maiden points and Kalamity’s jamming eventually pulling the score to 129-116.
Uberschnell brings home the points for NRG
However, the fifteenth jam saw the start of a truly remarkable turn around by Glasgow. The Maidens walled extremely well, disrupting the NRG blockers and allowing Torque to fly through, while Miss Wired was sent to the bin. And, with eleven minutes remaining, the Glasgow jamming stole a nineteen points effort, finally stopped by Bucks Liz; 129-135. This was quickly followed by a second impressive jam for Glasgow, with McMillan taking advantage of four of NRG’s line-up spending times in the bin, despite being slowed down by Kalamity and Bettie Basher
, eventually pulling the Maidens further ahead at 129-153.
A tense few jams passed with neither team amassing more than eight points, meaning the final three jams saw the score at 137-162, and we were all set for a big finale. In the penultimate jam of the bout, NRG poured all their effort in bringing the game to Glasgow, epitomised by Missy Pow Pow’s thunderous check on Jess E Ska, sending the jammer flying to the suicide seats. Überschnell took serious advantage and flew round the track to gloriously close the gap to 155-163.
Kalamity goes up against Rogue Runner in the final jam
With only one minute left, the final jam saw Kalamity and Rogue Runner facing off to ensure victory for their teams, but the Glasgow blockers reacted phenomenally to the pressure. Although the NRG jammer burst her way through, the pack was slowed and congested well, preventing either jammer from grabbing more than a point a piece, bringing a tense showdown to a climax.
- Final score: Canny Belters 156 – 164 Maiden Grrders.
Report by Stephen Kennedy
NRG Canny Belters
- Best Blocker: Big Smack & Fries
- Best Jammer: Miss Wired
- Most Valuable Player: Von Sleaze
GRD Maiden Grrders
- Best Blocker: Moxie Blitz
- Best Jammer: Rogue Runner
- Most Valuable Player: Sarah McMillan
Daylight Slayings – 24th March 2012 – NRG Whippin’ Hinnies vs. Furness Firecrackers
In an exciting double-header event in March, the first bout we were treated to saw the Whippin’ Hinnies face off against the Furness Firecrackers for Daylight Slayings. Formed in Barrow in 2010, the Firecrackers are, much like NRG, rapidly building a solid reputation in the roller derby world, steadily spreading their wings to further regions of the country. The Hinnies went into this bout with a good old-fashioned mix of experienced pros and some shiny derby debuts, and it certainly made for an entertaining and rewarding game.
It’s not only the clocks that will be springing forward on the weekend of the 24th March 2012, Glasgow Roller Derby’s Maiden Grrders and the Newcastle Rollers Girls will be going double speed around track and knocking each other into Summertime in the hopes of adding a win to their names.
Bear and Gin and Sonic hold back Harlot and Team England player El Viscious
NRG came home without the win on 11th February, from their very exciting first bout of 2012 against Nottingham’s Hellfire Harlots.
Jackknife Jane jams for the Christmas CrackHers
The day was Saturday. The weather was unpleasant. The head was fuzzy. The Lightfoot Centre in Walker was still an insane-looking seventies contraption. Except about 25 degrees colder than the last time I’d been there. The reason for my voluntarily leaving the house on a cold, drizzly weekend afternoon, when I would otherwise have been reclined on my sofa taking in the day’s football news with a variety of savoury snacks? There could be only one: the latest Newcastle Roller Girls home bout.
Festive punnery abounded in the bout, cunningly titled ‘While Zebras Watched Our Blocks’. It would see two teams from Newcastle taking one another on in the opening ‘B’ team bout before the main event: a clash between Newcastle’s Canny Belters and Edinburgh’s ARRG Cannon Belles (yes, the two names are similar. Yes, I did get confused on occasion. My notes, full of abbreviations as usual, made little sense when I realised after half an hour that both teams were the ‘CBs’. I digress…)
Elizadeth Benhurt booty blocks Ellie Mental jamming for the Slay Belles
It had been a while since my brief foray into the brave new world of roller derby, and bearing in mind that foray had been, well, a bit pants really, bearing in mind it consisted a great lumbering oaf (me) trying to remain upright on four wheels, I was chomping at the bit to see the professionals in action. The atmosphere was jolly and the day started with a reminder of the rules of the sport which was a welcome relief as I’d gone a bit blurry on them if I’m honest, but I quickly remembered they involved women crashing into other women, women creating moving walls, women using one another as weapons, and similar such fun.
And so to the B team bout, which was to whet the appetite for the Christmas feast on offer that afternoon. I’d like to state how impressed I was from the outset. There is a real depth to the NRG squad now, which becomes apparent when you see they have enough skaters for two credible sides to take one another on before you even get to the main team. Also the quality of the second string skaters compared to the last time I was in attendance has vastly improved.
Sleigh Belles vs Christmas CrackHers. Just out of shot, Santa has been spotted. Naked.
- A celestial Miss Wired has seen the jamming light!
That said, it was still delightfully mental. There was a lot of squawking, and some exceptional crashes and pile-ups, but aside from the odd one being caused by a person tripping themselves up, they generally came off the back of an excellent check or block, so well done those girls. Uberschnell in particular did some good jamming (check my technical terminology) picking up bucketloads of points for her team. I spent some time trying to figure out penalties but didn’t do very well. For some reason it always seemed as though the person who was wronged was sent to the sin bin rather than the aggressor. Perhaps my eyes just weren’t quick enough to register the myriad things that were going on at any one time. Or maybe roller derby takes a dim view of people tripping and getting in the way. How very dare they!
Aside from that I felt more comfortable with the rules, although I must say there was an odd-looking starting position which I didn’t quite understand, the four blockers from one team kneeling down on the start line in formation, as if they were about to have a team photo taken. It wasn’t very effective as the jammer nearly always broke loose immediately, skipping over the collection of sluggishly arising blockers and making her way to some points. The bout ended with an injury but it didn’t look too serious; the victors were the Christmas CrackHers (ba-dum tshhh) narrowly beating the Sleigh Belles. There was a bit of a love-in and then we were on our way to the main event, which followed a ‘surprise game’ involving wrapping up audience members like Christmas presents – well why not.
Bear 4CE1, Von Sleaze and Sniper Viper form an inpenetrable wall
We opted for ground level viewing, protected from the action by nothing more than a wooden barrier – it was to be like trench warfare, with glitter. The skaters from NRG took to the track to warm up looking fierce, and exceptionally thin I might add, and received a Hollywood-style introduction which was no less than they deserved. The Cannon Belles did a sort of group chant/ raindance/ meditation. The atmosphere built and we were underway.
It was a cagey start, the two teams ranked 6th and 14th respectively (the Scottish team the higher ranked) feeling each other out early on (oo-er). But there wasn’t much time on the clock before GG Fox and vice captain Von Sleaze picked up the Canny Belter’s first points, the latter taking advantage of the ‘team photo’ start adopted by the Cannon Belles, similarly ineffectual as it had been in the prior bout.
They’re canny. They’re beltin’. And oh my, are they fabulous. Hollywood entrance by the NRG girls.
GG Fox makes a break for it
I daydreamed about how cool it would be to be a jammer. I defy you to watch roller derby and not want to be one. It’s the roller skating equivalent of being head cheerleader. Or the one at karaoke who can actually sing. I mean, seriously. You get to wear a star on your helmet, and if you’re faster than your opposite number, you get your very own referee skating around the inside of the track pointing at you with his arm in the air. Your very own man telling you ‘you’re the best! Yeah!’ whilst you zoom serenely around the track, protected by a bevy of lovely ladies, picking up points for your team and making everyone cheer.
And with a wistful sigh, I’m back in the room. I’ll simply never be that cool.
The bout was noticeably more tactical than the B team affair had been, with lots of very slow starts and tense exchanges between blockers and jammers. And penalties, boy were there a lot of those! Some of them were self-explanatory, for example Von Sleaze tripping the opposition jammer when she was clean through and about to start picking up points – the equivalent of a trip in the box in football. Lucky there’s no red card. She came on and proceeded to get sent straight back off again. In fact the vice captain appeared to be carrying out some kind of bet as she amassed at least six penalties that I can recall. I wonder if she won the bet? She’s a dirty girl, nonetheless.
She’s quick, she’s hard, she’ll drop you on your arse, Von Sleeeeeaze! Von Sleaze!
Bettie BasHer takes a tumble at the hands of ARRG
Aside from all the misdemeanours there was rampant point-scoring going on, GG Fox picking up some more along with Bettie Basher, who was living up to her name and throwing some quality hits, and the Canny Belters streaked into the lead (oo-er). But shortly after, Kaos Moss picked up a bucketload of lovely points for the Cannon Belles and the visiting side clawed their way back into the bout. Then there was another intriguing blocking tactic in which the Canny Belters performed a kind of limbo. This was much more effective than ‘team photo’ start as the opposing skaters all fell over.
Captain Brie Larceny jammed her way to another couple of points and the home side crept back into the lead. In the early part of the first period the scoreline remained tight, the two teams trading the lead for a while, until the turning point came, with some minutes left in the first period (I was far too enthralled to be looking at any damn clock – there were scantily clad sportwomen zooming past my very eyes for crying out loud!), when GG Fox picked up a staggering 17 points on the powerjam to take the Canny Belters leaping into the lead by the halfway point.
Gin and Sonic up to jam
The second period was delayed due to Big Smack and Fries having some helmet trouble (oo-er). This time was passed pleasantly by the girls; there was singing and dancing on the start line and generally being friendly and such. I don’t know if it’s a case of too much ice hockey but I do wish they’d be a bit more aggressive at times. Even during altercations they remain pally and well, you know, a bit of a strop and a punch in the arm wouldn’t go amiss once in a while, know what I mean? Okay it’s official, I watch too much ice hockey. I’ll try to stop myself from yelling ‘bench clearance’ next time. Although I’m willing to bet that Von Sleaze would be up for it.
That’s not to say there isn’t physical contact. Oh no, there’s plenty. Hip checks and shoulder barges are the order of the day, and I definitely spotting some mounting going on early in the second period. Anywaaaay. Oh yes, the action. I knew I was supposed to be doing something other than talking about sporting violence and making childish euphemisms.
The Canny Belters had a commanding lead as they entered the second and the imperious GG Fox picked up even more points early on (what did they put in HER Lucozade?), followed by Bettie Basher in her incredible gravity-defying top, almost – but not quite – displaying more than just her bodacious jamming skills. Hot on her heels, Von Sleaze burst from the traps like a bullet from a gun to collect more points, taking the NRG girls’ score to over double that of their opposition and place them firmly in the driving seat (oo-er. Oh wait, that one wasn’t rude. Double entendre fail).
CAUTION: Mounting may occur at any moment. Stand well clear.
Big Smack clears the path for Bettie BasHer
The Cannon Belles’ key jammer, Kaos Moss, finally managed to chalk up a few more, despite looking a bit on the tired side (I’ll be honest, she looked wrecked, but she was being used heavily by her team so it’s hardly surprising), before NRG’s fabulous Miss Wired came into her own. Probably the best skater on the team, to these novice eyes at least, with amazing poise and speed and mind-bending balancing skills, she made fools of the opposition, FOOLS I say, to pick up 10 points in one jam and a smattering of points across a number of other jams. She’s so dreamy.
Fittingly, Captain Brie Larceny took the NRG score past the 100 mark and there looked to be no way back for the visitors. Then things started to stretch out as skaters tired; there were powerjams aplenty (remember, they’re when one team is a man down so the other has a better chance to pick up points. Nothing to do with concentrated strawberry preserves OR a rocking guitar practice session) and these seemed to change hands constantly as skaters came and went from the penalty box, keeping the seats warm (it was bloody freezing in there) and causing a constant shift of power from one team to the other. The visitors used these valuable opportunities to rack up a few more points and an unlikely comeback could have been on the cards, but even as the thought was considered the score swung back in the Canny Belter’s favour, Von Sleaze, Miss Wired and Marie Bayonet picking up enough points to surely take the contest out of reach. A last gasp opportunity for the Cannon Belles arose as three Canny Belters found themselves warming one another’s cocklese in the Sin Bin (oo-er) and a strong final jam for Kaos Moss picked up an additional 9 points but it was too little too late. The bout was over, the score confirmed at 117-84.
And so it was over. It had been a journey. A deeply stylish, warm and fuzzy journey. With added innuendo. And elbows. And to the victors, the spoils. The girls and their baying fans made their way to the after party for copious amounts of festive cheer in liquid form. Here’s to a great win and another cracking afternoon’s entertainment – now onwards and upwards for the Newcastle Roller Girls.
PS Did I mention that Sniper Viper was mint? Because she so is.
Taken from her blog: http://mypetsteedtangent.blogspot.com/2011/12/very-merry-rollin-christmas.html
All photos courtesy of Idene Roozbayani
Canny Belters vs. ARRG Cannon Belles - Brie Larceny attacking ARRGs wall
NRG were excited to unleash some of our newer skaters on the world with a fantastic warm up intraleague match, the Christmas Crack Hers vs. the Slay Belles, & they didn’t disappoint. A final score of Slay Belles 53 – 70 Christmas Crack Hers really got the Canny Belters in the mood.
Chemic-Al keeps a close eye on Bettie
You lucky people! We have not 1 but 2 match reports for you on our recent historic away bout against the Wakey Wheeled Cats.
Santa’s little elves (Manchester Roller Derby branch) will be preparing you for the run up to Christmas with an action packed festive double header:
Saturday 17th December 2011
NRG’s brave boys, Tyne & Fear, are in full tilt training frenzy for this, their first ever bout, as they take on Manchester’s mighty New Wheeled Order. This promises to be a monster merby mash-up!
- While Zebras Watched Our Blocks bout poster
Twas the night before the Bout, when all through the Tyne
Not a creature was stirring, not even a crime.
The skates were all cleaned and kitbags prepared,
In hopes that a big win would be declared.
The skaters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of lead jammer and big hits danced in their heads.
Newcastle Roller Girls would like to invite you to our Christmas Extravaganza:
While Zebras Watched Our Blocks
Saturday 10th December 2011
Newcastle Roller Girls’ Canny Belters =v= Auld Reekie Roller Girls‘ Cannon Belles
Zombie Big Smack and Zombie Bayonet smell Hot Wheel brains...
Want to hear all about our recent nail biter of a bout against Hot Wheel Roller Derby? Course you do.
- Thwack To The Future: NRG v Sheffield Steel Roller Girls
Yo Dudes and Dudettes!
Newcastle Roller Girls have a radical bout in store for you guys with their latest event on home turf, “Thwack to the Future”.
Set your flux capacitor to Saturday, September 3, up your speed to 88mph, and let us travel through time to a fantastic double header of roller derby skills.
If my calculations are correct, you’ll see the warm-up bout at 12.30pm, as the Newcastle Roller Girls’ Whippin Hinnies take on the Sheffield Steel Rollergirls B Team.
- Crouching Blocker, Hidden Jammer poster
Your local, all-girl roller derby team – the Newcastle Roller Girls – have risen victorious from their May win against Leicester’s Dolly Rockit Rollers, and are set to battle against the Liverpool Roller Birds.
The duel between two sides alike in honour is named Crouching Blocker, Hidden Jammer, and will take place on Saturday 11 June 2011, at The Lightfoot Centre, Wharrier Street, Newcastle starting at 1pm.
As always with roller derby expect to see the theme take on a world of its own, with the hall decorated as a Chinese paradise, themed skate outfits and halftime entertainment, as well as plenty of cakes and crafts on sale, making this a fun day for the family.
Sweet Home Alajammer poster
Newcastle Roller Girls are pleased to announce their next home bout, Sweet Home Alajammer will take place on Saturday 7th May at a sweet lil’ ranch named The Lightfoot Centre in Walker.
The rootin’ tootin’ Newcastle lassies will be taking on those Dolly Rockit city-slickers from Leicester, for a grudge match back on Geordie soil.
Roll up at 1pm, the opening brawl will begin at 1.30, with the main shoot out at 2.30. Then join us to wet your whistle and hang up your spurs at our hoedown at Mr Lynch from 5pm!
So mount up, cos ready or not, we’re gonna skate.
Tickets £6, under 12s are FREE in, and all under 16s MUST be accompanied by an adult.
By Von Sleaze
Rollers Of The Lost Arc poster
Rollers of the Lost Arc
2nd April 2011
Glasgow’s Maiden Grrders v NRG’s Canny Belters
Arc Sports Centre
We’re packing the bus & hitting the North for maybe our toughest bout yet, as NRG take on Glasgow’s mighty Maiden Grrders. The Arc Sports Centre on Cowcaddens Road will be shaken to its foundations as these two tough teams of brawling bruisers battle it out.
Buoyed by their recent scorching home win against Granite City Roller Girls of Aberdeen, can Newcastle take it over the border score their 1st victory on Scottish soil? Or will they be dashed against the Maidens’ legendary walls of steel?
Get yourself to Glasgow for the clash of Clyde vs Tyne.
Bayonet makes a break for it
NRG v GCRG, March 5, 2011, Lightfoot Centre, Newcastle
NRG 113 – GCRG 63
In the run up to the bout NRG were in training overload, the panic of a first home bout in front of friends and family meant that we worked super hard, got faster, got better, and became a solid team of battling beauties.
We took on GCRG, a team similar to us, a team that we would have to work damn hard to beat, and a team that we knew wouldn’t give us an easy home win (even if we asked them REALLY nicely). The GCRG girls wore red, and wore lots of face paint. NRG wore black and lots of sparkly gold.
and that's why Brie's captain
December 18, 2010, Lightfoot Centre, Newcastle
Radgies 67 – Tits Magees 53
Festive spirits were running high at NRG’s first intra-league bout just before Christmas.
What started as a fun idea quickly developed into a fully-fledged, action-packed drama as the self-proclaimed Radgie Rollers and Tits Magees battled it out for the crown of 2010′s last bout.
The Tits Magees started strong with a bumper line-up in the first few jams of super blockers and experienced jammers, making it hard for the Radgies to get a foot, or wheel, in a game that lasted only 45 minutes with no half time.
But as the jams added up, the Radgies came out fighting hard, their jammers really setting the track on fire, which left the Magees struggling to keep the upper hand.
The score was tight all the way through as the teams were deliberately evenly matched but the Radgies very deservedly won it in the end with a final score of 67-53.
It all set us off nicely for the Christmas party later on the evening at Hoults Yard – what a belter day it was!
By GG Fox
"We wish you a merry Christmas..."
NRG V NUTS Home bout, Lightfoot Centre, Newcastle
NRG 102 – NUTS 81
Newcastle Roller Girls’ first ever home bout vs Northern United Team Skaters (with members from Middlesbrough Milk Rollers, Liverpool Roller Birds and Manchester Roller Derby) saw the Canny Belters pick up their second consecutive win with a final score of NRG 102 – NUTS 81. Although it was a closed bout the atmosphere was electric and the stakes still as high as ever.
NUTS were off to a great start as fans screamed from the balcony, and the half time score was 43-49 with NUTS in the lead.
The second half was ours though, with some awesome power jams seeing NRG skate out in front and take first place.
This was a particularly special win for NRG as it was the first time we have fielded a team of entirely our own players – we do love our guests, but it made the victory even sweeter. Our awesome GG Fox took home the bout’s MVP certificate for her amazing jamming skills, and for NUTS it went to MMR’s Oompah Thump-Ya!
By Big Smack and Fries
Sicily Suplex fends off MVP Oompah Thump-ya
- Great Yorkshire Showndown poster
Great Yorkshire Showdown
24th October 2010
Huddersfield Sports Centre.
Leeds Roller Dolls v Whippin’ Hinnies
The Great Yorkshire show down was a great opportunity for newer skaters to get some bouting experience.
Block The Casbah poster
Block the Casbah
25th September 2010
Parklands Leisure Centre, Leicestershire
Dolly Rockit Rollers 68 =v= 79 Canny Belters
Playing against the Dolly Rockit Rollers in Leicester, the DRR held their own and the fight was a tough one. With only a handful of points between the two teams for most of the bout, it was a real nail biter, but the Canny Belters brought home their first win!
July 24th 2010, at Ponds Forge in Sheffield.
Final score: SSRG 150 – NRG 73
Smashdance post bout group photo!